BED Binge Eating Disorder

For a long time I used to joke that I had Bulemia but hadn't got round to the vomiting part yet. Thankfully Compulsive Eating and Binge Eating Disorder are now recognised eating disorders. The main symptom of binge eating disorder is eating huge amounts of food in a short time. It is almost as if you are in a trance...I just eat, rarely enjoying the food, just shovelling it in as fast as possible until I feel horribly full and sick. It's not down to me feeling hungry, it's something else and it is an overwhelming craving for certain foods...chocolate, crisps, bread and anything else that is not particularly good for you and in my case I have intolerances too. Another problem is that I would be too embarrassed to eat like this in front of anyone else so it's a secret that results in shame, self hatred and increased anxiety and depression. I feel totally out of control when eating like this. I don't do it all the time...it's one of the red flags that something is very wrong and that I need to look at other behaviours as well...have I stopped going out, exercising, eating regularly, etc? Is my mind able to be quiet or is it constantly churning with thoughts? My relationship with food has always been a bit off, I love food...the taste, the mouth feel, everything, but I've always been on a diet of sort sort whether weight loss or obsessively healthy. Binge Eaters tend to have other mental health issues and low self-esteem. Along with my anxiety and depression I have had periods of OCD and I tend towards perfectionism and the related self hatred as perfection is pretty much impossible. My family does have a history of eating disorders, depression and addiction. This probably does not help and neither does society's obsession with being thin. This does seem to be shifting more towards being 'healthy' now but we are still surrounded by air brushed images of models and 'lose weight fast' magazine articles. Sexual abuse is also an issue that can lead on to eating disorders (A subject for another post maybe). I haven't had any treatment for BED. I went to an eating disorder group once but there were very few people there and it seemed to be just a place people went to moan. My main job throughout my life was an an analyst and I was looking for details on how to get well, preferably in a bullet pointed list. This was not forthcoming so I never went back. Instead I invested in a couple of books and did my own investigations. After years of trying to get well I've realised that all of my issues are interlinked and come down to a feeling of being out of control in the main. I like lists and step by step procedures that I can follow and that is why I have so much of a problem with counselling and the like that doesn't give me goals to aim for. If it's all a bit faffy I lose interest very quickly...it feels like a waste of time. It's one of my biggest fears...the fact that maybe I will never be well, that I will always feel like I'm wading through mud, that life will always be this hard. Maybe I will never feel happy again and I'll just have to use 'tools' to be able to function to some degree in society. It's not a fun thought. Anyway, the following works for me to some extent when I start binge eating.... 1. If you are on a diet of any kind, STOP. You cannot tackle the binges if you are thinking about food all the time. 2. Start eating breakfast. It doesn't matter what it is at this point, just eat something within 30 mins of getting out of bed. You may feel sick at the thought of eating first thing if you haven't done it for a while. Persevere...breakfast will start your metabolism going and you'll start to feel a bit more energetic quite quickly. 3. Take vitamins and minerals. When I start binge eating it usually means that my diet is chaotic at the least. There are days I eat nothing at all, days I just eat toast (even though I'm intolerant to wheat and I end up in a lot of pain), and of course days where I eat two shopping bags full of lard! Binge eating for me usually coincides with anaemia, stomach ulcers and other digestive problems meaning that I'm not getting the required vits, etc. I try to take a muti vit and mineral with iron, omega 3 oil, a B vit complex, magnesium and a vit D if it's winter. 4. Sort out an easy meal plan and shopping list. At this point you just need to have a breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack planned each day to get you eating regularly so you are not starving by the late afternoon or early evening...this is when the compulsion to binge hits me. Initially it's fine to have the same thing each day if this is easier (and it's probably cheaper). So porridge for breakfast, chicken, fish or meat with mixed veg and some rice for lunch (hint: cook two portions of the chicken, fish or meat and use the second portion for dinner), a mixed salad with the pre-cooked protein and some bread or pasta for dinner and a snack or two (fruit, yogurt, cheese, etc. I sometimes have a protein shake or bar as a snack). Keep it simple. Cook up a huge pan of veg soup and freeze portions if you are struggling to cook daily. 5. When you are eating regularly and are into the whole shopping and cooking thing again you can start adding different meals. It can take a while to get into the habit of eating regularly again. I found something that helps me is to think of my body as a young child...it needs to be fed, cared for and nurtured. If I treated a child as I treat my body sometimes I would be in prison for neglect!! 6. Try to include protein, complex carbohydrates and fats in every meal. Fat makes food tasty and your brain needs it to be able to function properly. Do a bit of research and get a few options for each food type together...go for your favourites. So for example, breakfast could be a veg and mushroom omelette with some avocado slices or oats with milk, almonds and blueberries. The main thing is to do what you can, when you can do it. Do whatever you need to do to make it as easy as possible for you and don't hammer yourself if you just can't do it today. I am currently back at point 2 - having breakfast. It's an on-going thing as eating badly is one of the things I do when my mind stops working properly and starts sliding into a depressive episode. More info is available at https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/binge-eating-disorder Jacks 18/03/2018