Chest Deep in Quicksand

Dysthymia is a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction and in a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. It is a mild, persistant, long-term form of depression and if combined with more severe depressive episodes it's now called Persistant Depressive Disorder. Although Dysthymia is a mild form of depression it can become major if it not treated quickly. I have had depression for as long as I can remember and I suppose, as a child, you just think everyone feels this way until you learn that this is not the case. By then it is too late and I was first diagnosed with major depression when I was 16 and developed PTSD in my 30's. The problem is that if the major depression goes away, I'm still left with this on-going low feeling until the next major episode appears. This low mood means that I rarely get any enjoyment out of life. I can recall times where I should have been having the time of my life but I was just counting the minute...

For a long time I used to joke that I had Bulemia but hadn't got round to the vomiting part yet. Thankfully Compulsive Eating and Binge Eating Disorder are now recognised eating disorders. The main symptom of binge eating disorder is eating huge amounts of food in a short time. It is almost as if you are in a trance...I just eat, rarely enjoying the food, just shovelling it in as fast as possible until I feel horribly full and sick. It's not down to me feeling hungry, it's something else and it is an overwhelming craving for certain foods...chocolate, crisps, bread and anything else that is not particularly good for you and in my case I have intolerances too. Another problem is that I would be too embarrassed to eat like this in front of anyone else so it's a secret that results in shame, self hatred and increased anxiety and depression. I feel totally out of control when eating like this. I don't do it all the time...it's one of the red flags that something ...

Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two

Hyperbole and a Half: Adventures in Depression

Hi! I've started this blog, 'Chest Deep in Quicksand' because that is how I feel most of the time. I've had depression at some level for as long as I can remember and probably before that, and thinking back I've probably had anxiety for that long as well. I was first diagnosed with depression aged 16. The doc flung a prescription for antidepressants at me and I've been taking them in some shape or form ever since. There was no counselling, no proper diagnosis, no warning that I could feel worse for the next few weeks/months, nothing. I was released back into the community and left to deal with life as well as I could. Somehow I made it through to my 30's with just a few blips including 6 weeks in bed after a very nasty incident that I may blog about later. I chopped and changed antidepressants as they stopped working or if I ended up in A&E feeling suicidal. Then I did a very stupid thing and married a complete asshole! An increasingly violent asshol...